First Recorded Weight Loss 🎉

Originally I had intended to write a post when I hit a month of personal training. While there has been a great deal of progress, sadly I actually gained 2lbs in the first month of training. This was not particularly surprising, as I still hadn’t quite tackled food as I was getting started. I did make gradual efforts to learn and to improve on that front.

First Month update

Here’s the audio recording I recorded after a full month of personal training.

.audio-player { display: none; }

Audio not working? Click here

6 Week Update

I feel like I’m getting better at this. I’ve really noticed that many things that have felt out of reach are starting to feel more possible. It’s very much a learning process on my end. I’m learning to live with the discomfort associated with making progress. I’m now active 3-5 days a week instead of merely potentially reaching 2 most of the day.

Progress Made

Mobility

Ironically, one of the biggest changes is that standing still is much easier. I’m also able to perform full, unassisted squats! All the little things like walking and getting up have gotten so much easier, even if they still remain marginally challenging. Currently, I’m still unable to consistently get off the floor without assistance (such as something to grab or lean on). That said, I have successfully done this on a gym mat twice now, which makes me optimistic.
Calories

For the last two weeks, I’ve been having as little calories as I can bear. Limiting myself to protein shakes and a single (good, and reasonably sized) meal a day. Since I had gained for the month, I was determined to do all I could to make the next weigh-in a lower number. I’ve thrown everything I can to get to this point and it has been immensely challenging. While I’m aiming for around half of my TDEE, this is a very tiny fraction of the calories I’m used to having. I’ve found that this has been getting slightly easier.
Productivity

My ability to get things done or even just go for a walk despite being sore has been a very hard-won fight. I didn’t like spending days just sitting on the couch recovering. I still wanted to journal, write, and continue producing Cyber Fix. I can report that I was able to put out a new episode last weekend even on top of doing a solo-session at the gym.
Emotional

I’m really realizing how much confronting my difficult compulsions and their emotional roots has given me a solid foundation for making progress. I am building a sense of control and confidence in the process that feels as unfamiliar as it is comforting. Finally, I understand what I’m doing and feel like I have a non-trivial amount of control over myself. Even my bigger challenges, like maintaining a calorie deficit, feels more within reach that I would have thought at this stage.
Weight

🎇 I’m 18lbs down! I can’t express how much of relief and how encouraging this is. The last two weeks have been incredibly challenging but I finally feel in control. Something that felt so out of reach is now finally something I feel I understand and can put into practice. I was not expecting to lose that much, I was too pessimistic and thinking it would only be 4-6lbs. I pushed myself deep into a calorie deficit but more importantly I was choosing what I ate rather than being driven by compulsion

Challenges:

Pain

I’m still not adapting to the pain very well. I feel sore every day to some extent and sometimes it is very inconvenient or extreme. I’ve had cramps that make me shout in pain. I’ve even had a great deal of foot pains that make putting any weight on them feel unbearable. The pain itself can keep me awake at night, and makes it much harder to go to sleep.
Hunger

Perhaps most unsuprizingly I find the hunger to be a massive challenge. On one hand, I’m starting to find the low-level background signal of a certain level of hunger a reassuring sign that I’m on the right path. I’ve found staying consistent at this incredibly difficult.
Sleep

As mentioned earlier, sleep has more-or-less absolutely fallen off a cliff. I’ve always struggled with sleep, but the trifecta of eating less, being sore, and being stuck in my ways make it very difficult to change. Given the importance of sleep for weight loss, this feels like something I need to directly tackle.
Water Intake

I’ve struggled to have enough water while being more active.
I need to re-prioritize having lots of water per day.
Keeping busy

I still need to walk regularly. I’m trying to push myself to spend time walking on “off days” or to find ways to minimize “off days”. My entire goal since the first two weeks of training has been to maximize what I can do despite the pain and hunger. That’s been immensely difficult. I’m still only beginning to accomplish things while sore but starting with cooking seems to be working well.

Other thoughts

Useful YouTube channels

I’ve recently discovered Steve Shaw’s Massive Iron YouTube channel.

I’ve found his commentary on trying to lose weight as a morbidly obese person very helpful.

I also wish I had found PictureFit earlier! Which has a lot of useful information on a wide variety of fitness information packaged in a humorous and accessible way.

Cooking

One of the more concrete gains I’ve made throughout this time has been being comfortable enough standing to actually prepare non-trivial meals. Cooking for myself was point #4 in my definition of a healthy relationship with food in my Why can’t I stop eating? post. Being able to stand for longer makes a big difference but I’m not too proud to admit I sometimes reach for a chair during long stretches.

Beef Fried Rice

I wanted to make something I enjoy eating for meal-prep. I’m not quite sure I got the sauce down this time, but I’ll definitely need to prepare more in the future. Lots of time to get this right. For a first attempt it turned out pretty good.

Eggs Benedict

I’ve been having a ton of eggs. So it naturally flowed to make egg-based meals. Having made the entire meal, I can wholeheartedly say that Eggs Benedict is absolutely worth the hype. Surprisingly it’s been the tastiest thing I’ve had since starting this journey. It’s a lot of effort, but absolutely pays off.