This off-the-cuff recording is an attempt to share the much broader context behind my ongoing transformation. Now that I have accomplished enough that people say they regularly point to my example, I feel obligated to disclose the bigger fight taking place. My health changes have merely been a major objective in a broader emotional battle. This is an attempt to put into words the emotional turmoil behind how I got so big. This particular recording is a bit more intense than usual, so be advised of more difficult subject matter being discussed.
Major Victories
New low: 317.8lbs
Unfortunately, I’m not likely to reach this year’s ‘greedy’ goal of losing 200lbs in 2025. I’ve got a month to go and with everything I have learned I don’t think I will be able to lose 40lbs in another month. But even being already 160lbs down for the year is still a massive hard-won victory. This new low puts me at almost 260lbs down total. By shedding all this extra weight, I’m finally at a point where the benefits are beginning to compound.
Feeling more capable and mobile
Despite a stubborn foot injury, getting around feels so much better. I can move a lot quicker than before and it feels very gratifying. Some of my small investments into building better habits are making things that would be very mentally and physically taxing feel much more within reach. I’m finding myself getting much better at making small investments in taking better care of myself, and feeling the gratifying sense of accomplishment when it pays off.
Feeling genuinely comfortable in my skin
With most of the extreme health and mobility challenges behind me, I’m back to a familiar state. But a great deal has changed under the surface. These days, I genuinely feel like I am at a point where being at peace with myself is closer to the default than the exception. The regular positive interactions I’m having with people is comforting in a level that is hard to get in the moment, but I can certainly appreciate the cumulative effects.
It is very difficult to articulate, but I no longer feel like my mind is actively working against me. I am experiencing a shocking yet familiar sense in my mind that I can only concisely summarize as “I’m back!”. It feels like the fog of numbness and dread has lifted and I get to embrace my chance at life for all it is in both big and small ways.
The emotional battle
The meat of this recording is where I try to articulate the ‘story behind the story’ of my health journey. Making new friends lately has had me face regret and loss I didn’t realize I was burying. I miss many of my old friends so much more now that I have gotten to know other excellent people on a deeper level as I’ve slowly and gradually come out of various forms of isolation. It wouldn’t be me if this reflection didn’t include my thoughts on how it all connects to the wider world. The more I think about the long arc of this path I’ve walked, the more I understand things about myself I took for granted. I am now at a point where I am ignited with a passion for sharing much more than just the physical changes that brought me to this point.